How loud is your internal voice? Does it chatter away, is it context dependent? Does it have useful things to say? This internal dialogue can be both helpful and unhelpful. This inner voice is what psychologist Ethan Kross calls “chatter”, and it can have a significant impact on our lives. Unhelpful internal chatter can be negative, critical, and self-defeating, and it can hold us back from flourishing.
The greatest obstacle for me has been the voice in my head that I call my obnoxious roommate. I wish someone would invent a tape recorder that we could attach to our brains to record everything we tell ourselves. We would realize how important it is to stop this negative self-talk. It means pushing back against our obnoxious roommate with a dose of wisdom.
Arianna Huffington
The war raging inside your head
So, what exactly is unhelpful internal chatter? It is the “running commentary” or “internal monologue” that tells us we’re not good enough, that we can’t do something, or that we’re not worthy of happiness and success. It’s often rooted in our past experiences, overall negative self-talk, and limiting beliefs. This type of internal dialogue can be incredibly damaging to our self-esteem and overall well-being.
That said, do not overweight the negative against the positive. Positive, constructive and optimistic messages that we send to ourselves, are in there, we just need to know how to listen for them and to give them a fair share of our mental airwaves. Like everything with managing our complex inner psychological lives, it takes consistent and deliberate practice to exercise and build up those mental muscles.
The contents of our inner chatter is shaped by a complex interplay of factors, including our upbringing, life experiences, and cultural influences. Why we have it in the first place is not that well understood. Certainly, it serves purposes such as providing processing power for our experiences, helping to make decisions, and regulating or exacerbating emotions. This is more what it does, not why it does it.
Unfortunately, like many fundamental psychological concepts, it is not that well understood why it happens – to discuss this would involve a detailed tangent or excursus into at the very least the theory of the self, the mind-body problem, and the hard problem of consciousness – none of which you came here to hear about nor do I feel I have anything worthwhile to say about!
Managing internal chatter
As your psychological / mental health personal trainer, here are three exercises to get building those reps on as soon as possible:
- Practice mindfulness: As mentioned before, by taking specific time in the day to focus on our breath, thoughts, and feelings, we can become more aware of our internal dialogue and have the peace of mind to sort the helpful from the harmful. Often repeated, this is easier said than done but begin practicing this habit when you are calmer and more at peace, rather than trying to rummage around in your mental self-help toolkit in the thick of an internal barrage
- Challenge don’t accept: When we become aware of unhelpful internal chatter, we can challenge it and reframe negative thoughts. What is the evidence for this belief? Is the voice “we”, “you” or “I”? Push back with your agency and first-person language “You cannot do this” vs “I am strong, capable, and adaptable”. Being kind and compassionate to ourselves is essential in breaking free from unhelpful internal chatter.
- Seek out positive influences: Surrounding ourselves with supportive people who care about us can help to counteract unhelpful internal chatter and put it in a wider perspective. Do not fear that by discussing what your mental monologue is throwing at you will make you seem foolish, immature, or unfocused. The world is not full of philosophical zombies, your loved ones are having these daily struggles with their inner chatter too!
Manage that monologue
Breaking free from unhelpful internal chatter takes time and effort, but the benefits are well worth it. By becoming more aware of our thoughts and reframing negative self-talk, we can improve our mental health, increase our confidence, and help our flourishing.
By understanding and managing our inner voice, we can improve our mental and physical health, enhance our relationships with others, and make better decisions. So the next time you hear that voice in your head, take a moment to listen and assess whether it’s helpful or harmful not just background noise.