Last time, we talked about listening and responding to your internal chatter as if it were a separate person we needed to engage with. Today let’s focus more on listening and focusing on a separate and external person, be they a colleague, friend or coach.
We have a real need for the input and validation of other minds, especially on our own thinking. You will no doubt have noticed that left to our own devices we may after a time draw a blank on how to better progress a piece of work or get to a dead end in thinking through a problem. We need almost a four-eyes principle on our own mental state and mental health, so it is not just your observations and prognoses. That is what active listening intends to address whether you are getting the feedback or providing it.
This blog has two sections, the first looks at how to use active listening to get the best out of an advisory or coaching conversation – or just how to better engage with your friends and their troubles, rather than just waiting for your turn to talk. Secondly, I’ve outlined some of the key aspects of a “thinking environment” from Nancy Kline’s excellent book “A Time to Think” which I believe marry well with the practice and tone of active listening.
What is Active Listening?
Active listening is a communication technique where the listener gives their full attention to the speaker, explicitly demonstrates that they understand and care about what is said, and responds in a way that promotes further dialogue. Active listening involves not only hearing what is said but also understanding the meaning behind them and responding in a thoughtful and respectful manner.
- Mirroring: Reflecting back what you heard can help to ensure that you understood the speaker’s message correctly. This can also help the speaker feel heard and validated, simply by repeating the phrase they finished a sentence with before asking someone to continue their thoughts
- Encouraging cues: Use nonverbal communication such as nodding or making encouraging facial expressions to show that you are engaged and interested in what the speaker is saying – as well as the all-powerful “mmhmm”
- Focus: When someone is speaking to you, put away any distractions and give them your full attention. This means making eye contact, facing them directly, and putting aside any other tasks or thoughts that may be distracting you.
- Ask clarifying and open-ended questions: If you are not sure what the speaker means or need more information, ask clarifying questions to gain a better understanding. Try to avoid a question that is really an analysis or recommendation for a solution, this is too active!
- Avoid interrupting: Interrupting the speaker can be frustrating and disrespectful. Wait until they have finished speaking before responding. Even if you want to show agreement or share your own supportive experience, wait.
- Manage difficult conversations: Active listening is also helpful when managing difficult conversations. By fully understanding concerns, you can respond in a respectful and empathetic way, that sees the issue from their perspective which can really make people feel “heard and understood”
A time to listen
A Thinking Environment as described by Kline is a specific approach to facilitating better communication, decision-making, and problem-solving within groups or teams. The Thinking Environment is based on the idea that the quality of an individual’s thinking is directly influenced by the way they are treated and the environment in which they think. Kline identified ten components that contribute to creating a Thinking Environment. These components are:
- Attention: Giving undivided attention to the person speaking, without interrupting or imposing your thoughts, fosters an environment in which people can think clearly and express themselves freely.
- Equality: Treating everyone as equals, regardless of their position, background, or expertise, ensures that everyone’s thoughts and ideas are valued and respected.
- Ease: Creating a relaxed atmosphere without pressure or urgency allows people to think more creatively and access their full cognitive potential.
- Appreciation: Expressing genuine gratitude and acknowledging the contributions of others encourages a positive environment and fosters mutual respect.
- Encouragement: Encouraging people to express their ideas, even if they seem unconventional or risky, promotes innovative thinking and problem-solving.
- Feelings: Allowing individuals to express their feelings can help release emotional tension and clear the path for focused thinking.
- Information: Providing accurate and relevant information, as well as encouraging people to seek out the necessary information, supports informed decision-making.
- Diversity: Embracing diversity in thought, background, and experience leads to richer discussions and more innovative ideas.
- Incisive Questions: Asking incisive questions that challenge limiting assumptions can help individuals overcome internal barriers and unlock their full thinking potential.
- Place: Creating a comfortable and inviting physical environment that is free from distractions enables people to focus on their thoughts and ideas.
In conclusion, starft experimenting more with active listening in a safe and welcoming environment in your personal and professional advice, it will empower you and your interlocutar!